Tuesday, September 11, 2007

War Bulletin

Good evening.
The latest report on the 'Viva Wars', brought to you by Adorable Pancreas.

Although of the initial reports were of the of peace talks being successful, they were proved to be as false as a waltzing kangaroo when our war correspondent, AP, reached the front. The peace-loving soldiers were preparing for battle, holstering their hall tickets, and confirming that they had clean uniforms on. A spy from the enemy camp confirmed that the enemies favoured the weapon known as CLIP (clinical pathology). AP immediately urged the soldiers to tell her more about the CLIP, but was drawn into battle herself when she heard that it was actually a weapon of mass destruction involving urine and blood.

The Battle of Pathology was fought in the Pathology Laboratory, and our brave correspondent, AP, was one of the last soldiers to be called up. Sgt. AP, can you please tell us about your encounter with the WoMD called CLIP?

AP: I was mortally afraid when I heard of the CLIP. Soldiers such as Sgt. Twin tried to prepare me to deal with it, but I became aware of its power when I entered the battle and saw Sgt. A fighting a losing battle with a urinometer. I do not think I've ever been as scared as when I was called up for urine. I was made to chemically analyse the urine component of CLIP. I do not know how I managed to complete it. But somehow, I managed to that part of CLIP without too many injuries.

Good for you, Sgt. AP. What happened next?

AP: Little did I know that worse things were to follow the urine. I was made to make a peripheral smear from the blood kept in a penicillin bottle. My hands were shaking so much that my smear looked like a caterpillar. The enemy jeered at me, and I regret to say, I got mortally wounded.

We are so sorry to hear that, Sergeant. What did you do?

AP: I had to sworn to fight for the noble cause, that is, finishing off the *&%$#@ exams! Dragging my useless leg (that's where I got shot), I managed to reach the Blood Typing front. The enemy stationed there was not a local one, but his fame had travelled far and wide. He was supposed to be the greatest CLIP warrior ever!

Oh, my God! Do you mean General Anaesthesia?

AP: No, it was President CLIP Bush.

OH, MY GOD! AP! Are you still alive?

AP: Yeah. And I am proud to say that I floored President Bush. It cost me an arm and a leg, but I managed to escape without sustaining any major injuries. Other than the arm and the leg, that is.

Congratulations, Sergeant. So you finished Urine, Blood, and Blood Typing. That leaves only the... Oh, no.

AP: Yess.... The peripheral smear reporting.

I hate to ask you this, but our ratings are more important. What did you do?


AP: Your ratings are not more important. I cannot bring myself to relive the horror.

Yes, yes. Whatever.

AP: *sob*

You deserve a bravery award. Happy?

AP: Yes, I do, you know. *sob*

There, there. It's over now.

AP: It shall haunt me forever.

Err... Let's change the topic. What about the spotting?

AP: MOMMY! I want to see my Mommy. MOMMYYY....

Oh, forget the spotting. How was the Battle of the Viva I?

AP: Good. Bad. Ugly. Uterus.

Uterus?

AP: The 4th enemy was surrounded by glass jars containing uteri. By the use of extreme cunning, stealth, and intelligence, I've managed to obtain a photograph of one of the uteri.

I have serious doubts regarding the ability of our loyal audience to tolerate such gruesome sights. Don't send it.

AP: I already have.

That isn't so bad. Adenomyosis, isn't it?

AP: Yeah. *sigh*

Thank you, Sgt. AP. Moving onto our sports segment, we have the 20/20 match between West Indies and South Africa. Our special correspondent, AP, is on the scene right now. AP, who won the toss?

AP: What the *beep*? Cricket? Don't you barking morons know I have to bomb the Forensic Labs tomorrow? Jeez. Never worked for a more inefficient bunch before. I QUIT!

Err... Certain 'technical problems' force us to end this bulletin right now. We'll be back, with more reports-

AP: Don't count on it.

11 comments:

Spunky Monkey said...

Heh.
My first year viva was fun.
At the end of it, I was asked to spell Muscle.
I had half a mind to say m,u,s,s,e,l.

The worst part was that he was The Dude. The coolest professor I have ever known. And I was hoping to impress him full and make him beg to recruit me on his research team. No such luck there.

This reminds me. I should do a viva post. I have had some real nice ones. They help me pool emotion.

Sreejith said...

ihihihi... wonder if General Medicine has this effect on all sgts. i am listening to 'viva forever' as i write this :D the sweet irony...

Keshi said...

ur blog is one place where I can go back in time to my Biology classes...:) cute one!

wuts that in the pics? an overgrown mushroom? LOL!




Keshi.

Bullshee said...

Ha ha ha
Hilarious!
Good, innovative reporting AP!
General Anasthesia cracked me up!

Tys on Ice said...

ATTENTION! CHIN IN SOLDIER!
PULL IN THT STOMACH...NOT THE ONE ON THE TABLE..UR STOMACH...YES I KNOW THAT THE ONE ON THE TABLE IS ALSO UR STOMACH...ARE U TRYING TO ACT SMART WITH ME, SOLDIER?...STOP PULLING IN THAT STOMACH!!! ...I MEANT YOUR STOMACH ...AWWW FORGET IT....JUST GO SHOOT SOMEONE..

waiting for more updates from the war zone...

Joshua said...

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Some feel invaded and ofended that I present myself this way in their blogs and rudely insult me back or post a mockery post on me.
Some think I'm playing the smart guy who wants to profit, in my miserable and ridiculous gain with Adsense (go figure!), from and with others curiosity and benevolence.
Some simply ignore me.
Some aknowledge that It's most important we all take notion that there's milions of us bloguing arownd the world and thus vital any kind of awareness such as I believe this my self-introduction card and insert apeal brings in.

May you be one of those open and friendly spirits.

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I think it's to UNITE MANKIND that we became bloggers! Don't see language as an obstacle but as a challenge (though you can use the translater BabelFish at the bottom of my page!) and think for a minute if I and the rest of the world are not expecting something like a broad cumplicity. Remenber that pictures talk also. Open your heart and come along!!!!!

Hershey Desai said...

lol...nice way of describing vivas...

never imagined it quite like that, though I think I had written about it once KBC style..
it was fun.

Anonymous said...

You just missed my new post!

- Spunky Monkey

hope and love said...

hey..! iv tagged you sweetheart..!!
:))

Adorable Pancreas said...

@spunky monkey:
Viva post. Just do it!

@sreejith:
All the sgts. I know react this way, to varying degrees.

@keshi:
I almost said 'large mushroom' to the examiner. She was past being surprised at anything. So now my blog is a time machine. Hmm.... Think of the possibilities.

@bullshee:
Thank ye, bullshee.

@tys on ice:
I'd like to shoot myself. Exams are always stressful.

@hershey desai:
KBC style... They do talk to us like that, don't they? Are you sure? Is that your final answer? Never thought of it that way before.

@anon spunky monkey:
I didn't.

@hope and love:
Tagged? *gulp*

Anonymous said...

Hello. And Bye.