Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Matrimonials Mitral Valve

My unit mate is getting married. The wedding isn’t for another ten months, but her formal engagement party is to be held next month.

You could have knocked me down with the proverbial feather (provided it was made of lead) when she dropped the bombshell. I was so shocked, I didn’t even see a hot guy walk past me. Skoda was so surprised to witness that, she promptly fainted, and Arch thought it was because Skoda too was shocked by the news.

Arch is the first of us to succumb. The rest of us are going to start dropping like flies soon. Help! I am too young to die!

That line of thought got me so depressed, I needed something really ridiculous to even marginally cheer me up. And what better place than the Google search terms that sent people to my blog?

the skin on my finger is not my nail

I didn’t know my finger was deformed. The skin on my finger is not my nail either! Oh, I am so going to die…

“proteus vulgaris” pregnancy

Obstetricians everywhere, please take note, we have a woman pregnant with bacteria. Is it some kind of Pelvic Inflammatory Disease? An infected foetus? A pregnant bacterium? If it’s the last one, bacteriologists? We have a net savvy pregnant bacterium on our hands.

frightened wrist surgery

I would advice you not to go ahead with the surgery. Your wrist seems terribly frightened, and probably won’t work too well during the procedure. You will probably have a lot of trouble making incisions and things with an uncooperative wrist.

“ent sucks”

It sure does.

leg muscle weakness, after falling, one leg useless

If it’s useless, I recommend that you chop it off. We don’t want to be stuck with useless things, least of all legs, do we?

mc dreamy photos

I don’t know why, I feel real happy all of a sudden. Extremely happy. I am even beginning to think that I wouldn’t mind getting married.

 medicos cloth collection

He’s looking right into my eyes. I know he is. Be still, my heart, I’m hardly breathing.


spm mneumonics for medical students

Medicos contribute a lot of new words to English. Note the simplicity of this one. It’s obviously a harassed medico looking for mnemonics about pneumonia. The poor guy obviously didn’t hear that my Park is now worm food.

why does it feel like my fingernail is stabbing my skin?

I am afraid I have bad news. You have a terrible disease, and you are going to die from it. It’s called “stupidity”, and there is a good chance your children are going to get it too.

why i have loads of saliva when i wake up

You were dreaming of McDreamy in your sleep. Sacrilege! Think of George Clooney next time, please.

appendicitis mcburney sigh

It’s McDreamy sigh. You get McBurney sign in appendicitis.

german shepherd growth graphs

I don’t know much about these things, but I’m betting they are huge.

mallu urinarry track

This is a Mallu, with UTI. Oh, yes, it is.

pathologist kangaroo caterpillar

I'll tell you after you return from your acid trip.

matrimonials mitral valve

Mitral valve, 25, seeks good looking, God fearing, homely mitral valve who is not stenosed or regurgitant. Contact Chordae Tendineae, Left Ventricle with Echocardiogram report and ECG.

I should be getting back to my textbooks. Final year, and all that, you know. Blogging is pretty tough these days, because even though I have lots to say, I don't find the time. I would love to share depressing stories about patients dying of cancer, the complete lack of compassion in many medicos, the terrible "Surgery hates ObG" jokes, the theatre theatrics, but my nose is too busy being buried alive in some book that weighs more than me.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Friday Five, Episode One

Surgery is not very nice. Lots of unspeakable things happening in unmentionable places. You know, like, haemorrhoids. I don't want to talk about it. I hate surgery. And then I realised my life sucks, because I have nothing else to talk about. Other than about haemorrhoids. Obviously. And rectal prolapse. You don't want to hear about the others, trust me.

This leaves me with a blog (that nobody reads), and nothing to say. But fear not, for here comes Friday Five to the rescue! Here we go.

1. Could you live without your phone for 1 week for $500?
Of course I could. Especially since I use my mom's phone most of the time. Easiest 500 I ever made, given that I make about $0 a year.

That reminds me. Have you heard this joke about a man with four sons? He was talking to his friend about them, and he said he was very proud of the first three, because they were all doctors. The friend wanted to know what the fourth one did, and he replied that he (number 4) was a useless guy working as a barber, but he (the father) couldn't get rid of him because he was the only son who earned.


If you made it this far, you are probably sitting next to me with a gun at your temple. Carry on reading, or I pull the trigger.

2. Whom do you talk to on the phone the most?
This honour goes to R (also known as R). Most of our conversations go like this.
Me: How am I ever going to pass final year?
R: I was wondering the same thing.
R: How am I ever going to pass final year?
Me: Yeah. I haven't touched my book today.
R: Neither have I.
Me: Why are we like this?
R: How are we ever going to pass final year?
It takes us a long time to conclude that we are 'like this' because we spend all our time on the phone moaning about how we don't study when we should be hitting the books. How are we ever going to pass final year? Why are we like this?

3. Whom do you no longer talk to on the phone but wish you still did?
Nobody. Really.

4. If you could get ahold of one celebrity phone number, whose digits would you want?

No one in particular. The picture is intended to make my blog look less boring.

5. Do you talk on the phone more or less than you used to?
Of course I'll assist you with the astrocytoma. I love surgery. It's my favourite subject, and I have always dreamed of becoming a neurosurgeon at least half as good as you. I can't believe y- Whuh? What's going on?

I think I fell asleep and had a wonderf-, I mean, weird dream. About the question, I talk less on the phone these days. After spending half the day (that's 12 hours, for those of you who live on other planets) at the hospital, I don't have the energy to even chew, let alone talk. And neither does R. Final year? Sucks. Big time. Let me go look at the picture again, so that I can slobber all over the keyboard calm myself. You guys can get back to whatever you were doing.