Monday, September 17, 2007

HP and the Pharmacologist's Mortar

"Ah, yes. Hadorable Pancreas. Our new- celebrity."

HP cringed in her seat. Sympathetic friends patted her arm, while some parasympathetics sniggered behind their hands.

"Pancreas!" said Nape suddenly. "What would I do if I wanted my patient to get dilated pupils for a fundus examination?"

"Dilated what for a what examination?"

HP glanced at A, who looked just as stumped as she was; Twin's hand had shot into the air.

"I don't know, Sir."

Nape's lips curled into a sneer.

"Tut, tut- clearly ignoring the textbook isn't everything. Thought you wouldn't open a book before coming, eh, Pancreas? Don't look at me as if you are cycloplegic. The answer is Atropine, which, apart from being a mydriatic, is also a potent cycloplegic. Well? Why aren't you all copying that down?"

HP hated her Potions classes. Her weapons against the enemy she'd sworn to fight was turning out to be her nemesis. There were times she felt like hurling her Goodman out the window, with Gillman thrown in for good measure.. ANS, CNS, CVS, GIT, PNS... Her life seemed to be composed of 3 letter words. ANS was definitely the worst. First of all, while looking for her notes, she was overheard saying "I can't find my ANS." (Say A-N-S out loud, and you have it.) Secondly, it was plain boring. Thirdly, it was vast. Fourthly, it was boring. Wait, I already said that. So these are 3 reasons why HP hated ANS. And Potions, because without Potions, there would be no ANS. Or CNS, or PNS, or CVS, or GOK what else.

And the potions themselves. HP could bottle saline, brew calamine lotion, even stopper fever, but these are all extincter-than-the-dinosaurs procedures. Any Muggle who needed a Potion could just walk into a store and buy it, ready made. Heck, even HP did it that way. But You-Know-Who decreed that the Potions exercises will enable the young wizards to appreciate the problems their ancestors (read Early Man) went through in the past, making potions, labelling and dispensing them (to dinosaurs). Monumental waste of time, HP thinks.

Nape was a pleasant surprise. Nape loved the students! Nape would go out of his way to help students who were having trouble with Potions, and the students loved him back.

But now, Nape has left Ogwarts Medical College, and is now being forced to teach Potions to the delinquents at Durmstrangs. HP would like nothing better than to have Nape back at Ogwarts during her OWLs, but You-Know-Who has different ideas.

Being a natural idiot at Potions, HP is left with just one thing to do. Study.

*sigh*

17 comments:

Doomed Doctor said...

well...will try reading ur blog next time,running short of it now,i have started another crzy medico blog

Spunky Monkey said...

Oh my god, you are right. WHAT IS WITH THE PHARMACY CRAP?
"Dispense this lotion, with these ingredients, and for such aforementioned ailments".
Sorry, I think even Chaucer went to a shop and got himself perfectly well-made Lactocalamine.
Redundant crap, all these exercises. If they so insisted on this vestige of 75th century BC, then why not help us brew Polyjuice, or better still, the Lurrve potion.

Tys on Ice said...

Being a very well versed person in the chemical department due to the immaturity of my college years, Iam very proud to say that I still hve no idea where my ANS is ...there are some wise characters that say that its rite under my nose..i choose to ignore them...

may be u can find wht u r looking for in Daigon Street...i really hope Napes come back to get ur potions back on track

CresceNet said...

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Tys on Ice said...

hey ap, who is ur spanish friend? or is it french? Whts the bet tht hes asking ur professional advice on that pain in his left eye ...i guess banda larga means a large bandage...

Keshi said...

alot of medical jargon in ur posts...it's good proof that u've been studying really hard. LOL!

Keshi.

THE PUROPSELESS TRAVELLER said...

guess u r in second year,keep writing funny things about medicine and pharmacology,u r good at it.
i hope u dont have the habit of actually believing subconsciously what you write about,Thats a genuine advice from some1 who has always landed in troubles because of taking his own job as a joke.take care!

THE PUROPSELESS TRAVELLER said...

Its all in our head actually,it will only get bad if u r genuinely disinterested in medicine and more curious about everything else,any addiction happens either by excess of things that an average human needs,or to make up 4 that.
At the end of the day or the nite, all u need is adequate levels of endorphins to have a good sound sleep,depends upon u from where do u want it.

Sreejith said...

had too many portions of potter? i read through all those medical terms even though before reading this i thought paraceta-mol was someone's daughter!

Ziah said...

Hey Babe! Read ur post, as always, still smilng... Always wanted to ask you, why Adorable Pancreas? Interesting blogger id.. any specific reasons for the name?

Dying curious :)

Di said...

U have my heartfelt condolences..the only 'potion' i ever prepared was paracetamol in 12th...and man...that story is better not said.. all the best :)

diyadear said...

hii,
thanks for visitin my blog.. but guess i'll have to study a little biology to comment on ur posts ;)

Adorable Pancreas said...

@doomed doctor:
I read yours. Now comeback and read mine!

@spunky monkey:
I know, Polyjuice potion would have been much cooler than carminative mixture. At least we don't have to memorise the formulae, like they had to earlier.

@tys on ice:
Hehe... Nape got transferred. May come back in 3 years, and by then I'll get those 2 letters in front of my name.

@crescenet:
That the only thing you can say in English?

@tys:
I tried to skewer his eye out, and he's protesting.

@keshi:
Yay! Someone noticed! :)

@the purposeless traveller:
The profession is something I'm dead serious about, I joke so as not to lose my sanity. I don't think I could ever be disinterested or jaded. At the end of the day, there is no greater high than saving a life. The hardest thing to do is to keep a distance from it all, but stay close enough to care and not lose your motivation. It's frustrating, exhausting, maddeningly complicated, but the satisfaction is like nothing else on earth, don't you think? :)

@sreejith:
Looks like it, don't it? I wonder what you'd make of fist-u-la. :P

@ziah:
Hi, ziah. Thanks for dropping by.
The name, I took is from a quote by Jean Kerr, I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want --an adorable pancreas?" I'm adorable, my pancreas is adorable too and pancreas is one of the things I work with. Please don't die. :)

@di:
Thanks, Di. But I'm all curious about the paracetamol story. Do tell me.

diyadear:
You needn't study Biology to comment, you can just praise my writing to the skies. :P

Ziah said...

ROFLMAO.. :) Pancreas?? :)

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