Monday, February 16, 2009

Exam Fundae

I ought to be all "My exams are over! Yay!" but I actually am "Damn! It's back to class again."

Now, I can hear a lot of excited voices ask me, "How were your exams? We want every little detail." I realise I am hallucinating, but I have a feeling that the the voices have got to be answered, or the Universe will implode. On the other hand, if I do that I will lose all my readers (namely, me, my cat, and uh, me. I am not sure if my cat can read, but he stares at the screen for long periods.) So there will be only a few details about my exams. Very few.

But.

But.

But.

Before that.

I have some good news.

No, it's awesome news.

It's the best news I have heard in a year.

I came second on the Paediatrics end posting exam.

< pause for applause, and letters of congratulation >

Come on, you stupid cat, clap your paws.

Ow!

< /pause >

Anyway, that was old news, because the end posting was a couple of weeks ago.

So, the theory exams. The very important ones that contribute 20% marks to my final total. They sucked.

The Paed people, you know what they did? They announced that the portions included were the first ten chapters of O P G hai (which is Mr. Cow's* book is known as in certain circles), and then proceeded to set a question paper based on chapters 11 through 20. I would have boiled them in oil if I hadn't come out second on the end posting exam.

I don't think I have said this before, but ObG is my favourite subject**. Not a word of what I read got implanted in my head. Except for that bit about 'multiple sexual partners' being a risk factor for carcinoma of the uterine cervix. As you might have guessed by now, there wasn't a single question about risk factors for carcinoma of the cervix.

During the Surgery exam, I got a full blast of the tropical sun RIGHT IN MY EYES and I don't really remember much else about the day.

Medicine was not any better, either. I did not know most of the answers, but I couldn't finish writing them out by the end of three hours and they had to forcibly eject me from the exam hall.

Although you are going to find this hard to believe, I did learn a lot of new things.

That's good, right? Please say yes.

Here they are.

No, I am not going to talk about Lyme disease, which is caused by Borrelia burgdorferi and is transmitted by the bite of Ixodid ticks. It has three stages- early localised infection, early disseminated infection, and late persistent infection. Whew!

The Things You Learn During Exams

  • No matter how long the study leave is, you start reading in earnest only the day before the exam.
  • The night before the exam, you will ring up your friends for 'moral support' and end up chatting for an hour.
  • Your appetite increases exponentially while you read, only to disappear when you are at the dinner table.
  • You have to keep your lids propped up by the time it's eight the night before the exam.
  • You can stay up comfortably till two if you watch some TV for a 'wake up break'.
  • The topics you painstakingly spent hours over will not be asked.
  • If they are, you won't remember them.
  • But the areas you skipped will find their way into the question paper.
  • Every time you get stuck for an answer, you will see everyone else around you writing furiously.
  • Nobody else ever gets stuck as much you do.
  • You notice that the exam hall has quite a lot of lights and fans.
  • Your voracious appetite returns.
  • Occasionally, you might write an answer incompletely and then leave some blank space, where you scribble "Think, dummy!" with a pencil.
  • You never remember to erase such comments from your answer sheet until you do the same thing on your next exam.
  • You don't remember to erase those bits in the next exam, either.
  • The cleverest of insights don't enter your mind until the invigilator holds out his hand for your answer sheet.
I am sure there are more, but my tortured brain is still reeling from the effects of the clinical features of viper bites. I never knew that windscreen vipers bit you. See? That's another thing I learnt. Don't you wash your car ever again.

That is the message of this post.

DO NOT WASH YOUR CAR.

I can already see the Big Brother jumping for joy.

* 'Gai' is the Hindi word for 'Cow'.
** Refer sarcasm.

17 comments:

damsel in distress said...

dear..adorable pancreas(ahem)

first things first. ur cat and urself aren't the only people who read your blog. i do. i know, i should've commented long ago..but if i had the strength to do that,i would've updated my own blog. so here goes. i said it. i read your blog. although i have no clue about(neither did you,apparantly) lyme disease, and other tough words you spell out there in the blog i do find the non medico stuff interesting.

*beg* pls pls do keep writing...

*applause* great on coming second..er, what happened to the first place?

secondly- abt this particular post..been there,done that.

you will understand when i say-my final year uni exam begins in less than two weeks.

lurve ur posts doc.twitter updates too..keep blogging. pls.

--xh-- said...

now the number is increasing - u, ur cat, damsel and now me - man, itz almost like a stampede here :-D

second in practicals - wow, that is good. after all, who needs all the theory ;) and yeah - u hv learned some insightful philosophical truths about life... the plain vanilla version of all that is - exams and we are not meant to be pals - well, i dont think me and exams are even in talking terms, let alone friends :|

rm said...

count me in too.. and really u have mastered the whole effects of exam . :-)

Rockus said...

*applause* For the Paediatrics exam. About exams, well me just glad I am done with it, may be a couple of times over than the usual!

Jeya Anand said...

I really forgot to rub off somethin wat i scribbled in with pencil in the first page dude..
u write things so funny man..:)
btw wre do u study?

deluded said...

best post ever AP

mummyjaan said...

Hey there Pancreas.

I'm sure your exams went much better than you think they did. Were these your finals?

Congrats on coming second in Paeds.

(Btw, your feed reader states that 62 people read your blog. I'm assuming that does not include the cat.)

hammy said...

Well, I can relate to that. I had an additional pre-exam symptom to go with the ones you have painstakingly documented.

I tend to be most creative at that time. From finding new uses to used Sprite bottles to sculpting out a skull sculpture from erasers to experimental cooking with hitherto unheard of ingredient combinations to designs on renovation, it all happens the day before the exam.

I remember the exam eve for my fifth semester back in college. Me and my roomies suddenly decided that we should paint our place. We had innovative ideas. We didn't actually paint the place (that would be a waste of time) but we made our plans that day. We costed for the equipments needed, we thought up some creative ideas for decorative painting, recycling of old junk into showpieces, right down to the timelines of operation.

We were on a roll.

And we came to a rolling stop right after the exam was done. The prevalant notion was -

"Paint and decorate the place??? Are we crazy? It's a rented room! We won't even be here for another year!"

Mithrandir said...

hi,its been quite some time since i visited your blog or wrote on my own!
nice to see you are truly and well into the final year,what with internals and all.... your internals are held for 100 marks? congrats about your paediatrics exam/internals.
my final year final exams finally got over,and the results are out as well,i got a first class!

Tys on Ice said...

congrats girl....

so when do u become a full fledged doc and get to unleash your skills on the general population?

workhard said...

I rather wash a car and everybody elses rather than study for an exam!!!


Haiku

Adorable Pancreas said...

damsel in distress,
Wow, I inspire such strong sentiments? I should have become a politician!
First place went to my friend Eli, who said, "Pancreas is the best. Everybody knows that. My getting the first is just a fluke. People, let's have a loud round of applause for Pancreas!"

--xh--,
Stampede always reminds me of that scene from Lion King. Tragic, tragic.
Exams help prevent termite attack on my books, and thus saves the planet from the dangers of termite overbreeding.

rm,
I think I love you. Not in a creepy way, you understand, I am just overflowing with the milk of human kindness, etc.

rockus,
Anyway, you know subject thoroughly now, doncha? :D

jeya anand,
Like I said, that happens to me all the freaking time.
I could answer your question with "a college", but I'm resisting the temptation. The correct answer is Kerala.

Adorable Pancreas said...

deluded,
Thank ye, for catering to my insatiable need for adulation. Love ya.

mummyjaan,
Unfortunately, they were not my finals. These were just kutti-chhotti internals that don't count in the ways that matter, except for giving us EXPERIENCE with exams. Because, we don't have enough of exams. Gah. So the second place is worthless. :(
(The Cat has been known to use the computer when no one is around, but I doubt he loves me enough to create 62 fake IDs. 61 IDs, maybe, but not 62. He's a 61 kinda guy.)

hammy,
Haha! I totally understand. :)

mithrandir,
Wow, so you're a doctor now? I still have a few more moths left. *jealous*

tys on ice,
In a few months' time, the University of Kerala willing.

Adorable Pancreas said...

workhard,
A real haiku. About me. All seventeen syllables of it.

Anonymous said...

I found this site using [url=http://google.com]google.com[/url] And i want to thank you for your work. You have done really very good site. Great work, great site! Thank you!

Sorry for offtopic

Anonymous said...

Who knows where to download XRumer 5.0 Palladium?
Help, please. All recommend this program to effectively advertise on the Internet, this is the best program!

Anonymous said...

Generic viagra professional 10mg avandia Order viagra capsules 50mg premarin World delivery biaxin Online lopid