Wherein I Have Nothing To Say

We have no classes for the next couple of weeks. Everyone is in Delhi for our 'study' tour. Except for me, of course. Because the pater is not exactly in the pink of health. It seems his heart has not been beating for the last three years. * abort panic attack*

I have run out of topics to blog about, so here comes another of those ready made posts for lazy bloggers like me: weird google search keywords. Ah, the price of fame.

1. andhra pradesh mbbs first year exams preponed

What do Andhra Pradesh and I have in common? Both of our names can be abbreviated as AP. If anyone finds the word 'prepone' in the dictionary, let me know. One of my pet peeves, that. Pity about the exams, though.

2. divorced my fat

What happened to your 'true love' and 'till death do us part'? One minute you were inseparable, the next you're paying alimony and eating celery. Sad.

3. brachial plexus honeymoon phase

Medicine is truly a fascinating field. You are always learning new things, and there is no telling where you'll do it. So the brachial plexus also has a honeymoon phase, apart from the innumerable roots, trunks, divisions, cords and branches that I memorised back in first year. Henry Gray, go hang your head in shame!

4. corneal ulcer picture

Why do people come to my blog looking for Ophthalmology images? Just because my uncle is an ophthalmologist does not mean it runs in the family. No, I will not give you a picture of a corneal ulcer. Google it. Oh.

5. cannot find a good vein to administer drugs

You can have my Dad's veins. His veins are ginormous. GINORMOUS, I tell you. Just looking at them will make you want to give him an i.v. The only thing stopping me from doing that is the absence of syringes at home. Remind me to nick some from the ward next time.

6. surgery sitting down

Sorry, we insist on patients lying down (preferably knocked out and oblivious to the foodie conversation amongst the operating team) during surgery. No such restriction is placed on the surgeon.

7. case discussion on mitral stenosis for pg students

PG students read my blog for medical information? I must know more stuff than I think. Or maybe they were just dumb. In which case, stay away from them. They know less about mitral stenosis than ignoramus of the millennium me.

8. gave an im injection into vein by mistake

Why is this ending up at my blog? I've screwed up, and screwed up bad, but not this bad. This is why we withdraw the plunger before we give intramuscular injections. And what are you googling that for? Oh, I know, misery loves company. You won't find it here. Careless jackass.

9. masini skoda lissing

I speak English, Malayalam and Hindi. I can understand written French. I can handle spoken Tamil reasonably well. For other languages, I use Babelfish. I strongly recommend that you click on that link and then come back. I might be able to help you then. Or not.

10. diplopia ruining my life

Ophthalmology again! Why me? Oh, lord, why me?

11. medical students are arrogant

Where did you get an idea like that? We most certainly are not. How dare you, scum of the earth? Now where did I keep that vial containing the Ebola virus?

12. muscae volitantes and stress

*pretends to be deaf*

13. uterus hepatitis

Remember what I said earlier about learning new stuff everyday? The uterus can get hepatitis! I always assumed hepatitis had something to do with the liver. Silly me.

14. dissection diaries of dead people

Dead people who are being dissected keep diaries? Should be interesting. "Today that incompetent nincompoop of a medical student cut took out my kidney. This would have bothered me if he hadn't already removed my bladder. Oh, wait. I'm dead."

15. tall cornea

*whistles*

16. blogspot stretched assholes

You're still around? After that tongue lashing I gave you last time? Ooh, looky, I have a loyal reader! Woo hoo!

17. i hate anatomy

Welcome to the club. Feel free to use the gym. We use Gray's Anatomy textbooks as dumbbells, and we have a punching bag bearing Cunningham's dissections manuals. be careful and don't strain any of those muscles with weird names. Please place flowers on the grave of the cadaver you dissected on your way out.

I read an awesome short story today. Check it out. Also, Harper-Collins is publishing Neil Gaiman's American Gods online for free! It's open only for a month, so make sure you get there fast. Also, pleease click on the humor-blogs.com link on the sidebar to up my standing. Please? Pretty please? Thanks!