Saturday, January 5, 2008

Crappy New Year

2008 has been consistent so far. Every single day sucked.

The house surgeons have all graduated. I think the University is having fun making paper planes out of the answer sheets of the next batch, to account for the delay in the declaration of results. In the meantime, the hospital is experiencing an acute shortage of slave labour. The Department of Ob-G has solved the problem by recruiting us fourth years. I spent the last admission day sitting in the OPD measuring the blood pressure of hysterical pregnant women. I never want to see a manometer again.

I am the official pelvis holder for the labour demonstration classes. Enough said.

Since I do not wish to relive monstrosity that was the first week of 2008, I shall now proceed to enumerate the search terms that direct you folks to my blog. This one, not the one that nobody reads, whose ownership I refuse to acknowledge.

1. doctor medical student ladies hostel photo video

I am not a doctor (yet), and I am not a hosteller. I do not have any videos, but I do have a couple of photos from the hostel. Enjoy!

This is known as The Loop. It's a circular stretch of deserted road outside the hostel. The inmates often Walk the Loop. It's very pretty, don't you think?

2. does having radiotherapy make you impudent

Radiotherapy does many things to cancer patients, including making them cheeky. One patient even wanted to know if she would ever recover. Now if that isn't impudence, I don't want know what is.

3. enting water conditioning

Um, what?

4. chicken pox during first trimester should i do abortion

I do not offer medical advice on my blog. Please consult a qualified obstetrician.

5. ccc cornea

Internet English for see, see, see, cornea? The KKK working undercover, are targeting corneas? CCC needs a cornea? I am really sorry, but mine are currently under use. The present owner intends to keep them for at least another 50 years. If you can't wait that long, there's always kill Aishwarya Rai. For more information on Aish's corneas, contact Salman Khan or Viveik (is that how he spells it? Darn numerologists!) Oberoi.

6. types of sequestrum

Let me see. You do not have a textbook, you are online, and your search terms are very specific.
Diagnosis: You are trying to cheat a an exam using your GPRS phone! *shocked*
Go away!
Psst! Try this site.

7. stretched assholes stitches

I do not like foul mouthed sodomists. Shoo! Scat!

8. picture immature cataract

Adorable Pancreas. Striving towards reader satisfaction.

9. fainted while a hospital patient can i sue

That is so sad. Did you get that brain transplant yet?
By the way, I fainted while a hospital doctor (the degree is merely a technicality. I'm Dr. AP.) Can I sue?

10. tell me everything about skeletal traction

Everything? I'm not God, y'know. Did you try the Vatican? I believe they have a direct line to the Big Guy.

11. sticky valve medical jargon

Sticky valve is not a medical term, FYI. We have lots of valves on our body, and some of them do get a little sticky sometimes, causing heart disease, varicose veins, etc. But since reader satisfaction (I shall pretend that there is no number 7) is my main reason for blogging, I shall list a few of the cardiac valve lesions. *clears throat*
Mitral stenosis/regurgitation, Atrial stenosis/regurgitation, Tricuspid stenosis/regurgitation, and Pulmonary stenosis/regurgitation.
There. You are the happy, no?

12. treated like shit by orthpaedics [sic] doctor

Here, have a piece of toilet paper tissue.

13. picture of a pancreas in deer

Oh, deer. I do not understand what you mean. Do you want to know what the pancreas of a deer looks like, or how a human pancreas would react if placed inside the body of a deer?

14. iam eye laboratories

You have started a new chain of laboratories? You are a lab? Good for you. But you've made gross mistakes in both your spelling and your grammar, which could be a source of customer dissatisfaction.
Why don't you change the name to I eye laboratories? Throw in a couple of cute receptionists, and you should have plenty of sailors flocking to your establishment.

15. quietly pseudophakic in the right eye

I am very sorry to hear that. I hope the eye on the left makes enough noise to compensate for the silence on the right side.

16. sit at home for medicos

I sit at home knitting sweaters because I am medico and I have nothing to do.

17. psm textbooks(preventive and social medicine)

We mallus, being non conformists, call it SPM, for Sleep Producing Medicine. Medicos from other states (solid, liquid or gas) know it as PSM, the Pain of Studying Medicine. Either way, the textbook is the same - Park's textbook of Preventive and Social Medicine. Those wishing to die a slow and painful death read the Park, others visit Sweden and make blonde jokes.

18. opd means

OPD stands for Out Patient Department. Glad to oblige.

19. st. clair thompson's adenoid curette

Adenoidectomy! Tonsils! Rhinosporidiosis! Septoplasty! Aargh! ENT! You're giving me nightmares.

And, ladies and gentlemen, the number one traffic generator is...
*dramatic pause*

20. adorable pancreas blog

Awww! Thanks, guys! I love you all!


Solitaire said...

I did not read most part of your blog. The part that hit me is that every year of 2008 for you has sucked so far. Thank you for saying that. Now I dont feel alone.

morinn said...

Oh my God! I could have died out of laughing so much! thanks for that doc!

Don Lewis said...

I like number 15. It seems so poetic:

"...the long years of silence pass us by;
quietly pseudophakic in the right eye."

Impudently yours,


Anonymous said...

the KKK thing was awesome! and so was the PSM one.. well on third thoughts... make that all! :D

Keshi said...



Thinking aloud said...

i'm sorry but i couldn't help laughing...


Tys on Ice said...

:) must be the exposure to the ammonic smell of OB, you are just getting better at your rants...

iam just surprised that u cant be googled with mad adorable mallu doctor haunts blogosphere...

Ziah said...

hehehe... madness! :) You're getting more and more adorable mad woman!:)

Spunky Monkey said...

1. doctor medical student ladies hostel photo video


Tea N. Crumpet said...

If I was having more kids I would come to India and let you deliver and give you more to rant about, but it would be very funny!

Tea N. Crumpet said...

Oh-- and I think that finding your blog was one of the high lights of 2007. I know with my liberal arts degree that no matter what my problems are, yours are still greater and you will have something funny to say!

Adorable Pancreas said...

Maybe we could start a club.

You know what they say about the best medicine. See, I'm a good doctor.

@don lewis:
That brought a tear to my eye. *sniff*

Ah, a compliment. I shall die happy. Dank yoo.


@thinking aloud:
Another compliment. This is really my day.

@tys on ice:
The odour probably got rid of the cobwebs.
You'll fix that, won't you?


@spunky monkey:

@tea n. crumpet:
I could use the practice! (Pun intended.)
Oh, I feel better already. :)

tangled said...

Well, you're on my blogroll, so I won't ever be landing here through a search. :)

Phoenix said...