Saturday, January 12, 2008


In keeping with the ‘2008 is out to get me’ theory, I had a lousy week. I shall omit the details, and skip directly to the highlights.

I lost my dad’s cell phone. In an auto rickshaw. After which R and I scanned the faces of every single auto driver we saw. I shall soon start receiving marriage proposals from old, balding auto drivers.
“I saw your daughter checking me out. I have divorced my fat and ugly wife and the kids are already asking for their new mother. I hope you don't want an elaborate ceremony. I have to drive a lady to the railway station in an hour.”

My dad’s heart stopped pumping iron (the haemoglobin kind) for a while, and he was in the hospital. He is all right now (he's watching Schwarzenegger 'acting' in the other room. On TV. Arnie never visits us ever since he got elected), but I am a nervous wreck. They should change the warning on cigarette packs from “Smoking is injurious to your health” to “Smoking is injurious to the health of your family too. Please euthanise them before you open the pack and burn your lungs.” He quit after his first heart attack, but then took up eating, so he had a second one three years ago. This messed up the circuits in his heart, and it likes to stop once in a while.

Of the five people in my unit, only two bother to show up in the wards. Eli and I. And we are the ones who get yelled at because the rest have bunked. They do not give us classes. I hate that unit.

The idiot with whom we (Arch and I) are doing the project? is an asshole. I screamed at him in the middle of the Obstetrics ward, and one woman immediately went into labour. The creep never shows up for any of the work, and then makes high handed ‘suggestions.’ I told him what he could do with his ‘advice’, in a loud voice. Me, the epitome of calmness and serenity.* We had a shouting match, which ended with the gravida becoming a para.

I went to the bank for my mom and the teller was just leaving for her lunch when she saw me, and decided she would help out just one more person and then leave. Then this screwed up moron arrives and insists she cash his cheque, because it is her duty as a public servant to do that, since he is a member of the public. I could just see him in our hospital, dying of multiple stab wounds, when suddenly he turned on me and started screaming at me. And being the brave warrior that I am, I gave him a sickly smile, collected my money, and left. Yes, that’s my tail you see tucked between my legs.

I sat through an hour and a half long lecture on glaucoma. I was foaming at the mouth by the time the class ended, and wasn’t conscious or oriented enough to get up and leave before the next class. And then the next teacher comes in, and immediately picks on me to answer some question.

To add insult to injury, I begin my labour room postings on Thursday. I have to be in the lecture hall at eight! in the morning! even though my shift starts at night. For the first 2 weeks, I have the night shift, after which I have day shift for the next fortnight. Until the day before my exams start. Did I mention that the shifts are 12 hours long? Because that's a lie. It comes to 14. And sometimes 15. My inner masochist is really looking forward to it.

I had a date with the most wonderful man on earth yesterday. He wore three rings on each hand, and four gold chains around his neck. He had a long red tilak on his forehead. His bright orange silk shirt did not clash with his fluorescent green lungi- the wide red belt he wore took care of that. His shades made me feel cool just by looking at it. He told me to change my name to Adorabble Panncreas, which is in keeping with the time of my birth. Adorable Pancreas is offensive to Neptune, who rose to power in 2008. He charged me 300 rupees for 2 minutes, but it was totally worth it. He is not the most famous astrologer in the district for nothing.

I am not sure how hectic labour room is going to be. If you are going to miss me, click on the link on the sidebar. If you think I suck, show your disapproval by clicking on the link on the sidebar.**

*sort of
**pathetic. I know.


DrWiz said...

Ayoooo....enichu chiri varunnu....

Priyanka said...

That IS a tough week!!

Flyaway Mind said...

hehee..hilarious indeed..remmeber the time when i lost my mobile during shopping & had to literally go from one shop to another, in search of it..the astrologer seems to be keen to make ur jinxed 2008 lucky;)

Tea N. Crumpet said...

If that week were a fish, you could throw it back!

I may wind up doing doula type work. Who'd have thought that me with nine kids would wind up going back to helping pregnant women? I didn't like being pregnant. A doctor deduced that this means I could be very good at it!

Good for you standing up to your cow-orker. Don't they get in trouble when sh-- like that happens?

Don Lewis said...

If screaming causes them to go into labor, then you've got a great new time management tool.

Your faithful Idaho reader.

Ps said...

I just had to drop in aftyer reading that comment about Rahul Gandhi on Tys's blog! :-)
Loved this post--but why Mamooty?(Unless my droopy eyes and dusty mallu-phile are making a mistake)Please enlighten!

Siri said...

I forget all the other things I thought I'd say when I reached the comments section. I will leave, however, saying this much:
You are a very very good writer.

Spunky Monkey said...

2008 is out to get to me too. Are you sure you are Malayalee? And that you were not lost in a place near Mysore?

Solitaire said...

I love your sense of humor!

manuscrypts said...

wow.. and its only january.. meanwhile, the mammootty fans association might consider suing for attempted character assassination :)

Hershey Desai said...

aing? funny... 2008 was supposed to be my year of being constantly lucky... after 2 horrible years of boredom.

don't tell me my jinx went to you..eep. Am so very sorry if it did.

Gah! that would be a weird situation, getting an old balding auto driver as a husband.

Heart attacks are a risky thing.
You are studying medical, can't you scare your dad into getting healthy? I do it sometimes to people...give a whole list of symptoms and disorders that frighten them so much that they will put the pizza down and pick up a carrot.

smiling at an angry lunatic isn't cowardly, infact you actually have more control over the situation because you aren't losing your mind. Yes yes, very zen-like thing to say.

Ah, neptune is in power... i thought it was..well, no entendre intended but...i thought uranus in power now..
yea... jupiter is out of uranus' path and all the shitty problems are now being cleared( second time i resorted to toilet humor today...what is wrong with me)

anyway, glad to be finally able to read your blog again..missed your crazy experiences

Di said...

Mammooty's looks,govindas clothese and bappi lahiri's jewelry makes up ur type of guy?...hmmm...very interesting..

Madhumita. said...

Funny Funny :-D .

Aiswarya said...

And did your astrologer say, you have had a very good week and the comming one's will be just as exciting? :P

k said...

I found your blog through tys so nice.I thot that fellow was funny so whatever he reads should be good...u r hilarious!
I am happy i found u r blog.