Saturday, May 23, 2009

I Wanted A Thesaurus During My Exam

I have exams now.

No, not my finals.

These are internals, but they are like the finals. So that we get a feel of things, and all.

First up was Internal Medicine.

You know, the toughest subject there is. It's quite a handful (the smallest textbook has 1500 pages), and most people who do not clear final year attribute it to Medicine. So it's very important.

I like to think that I know my basics well (this just might be my imagination at work), but for an exam, it's not enough. You need to be topic oriented, and to be able to memorise a lot of points to core well. The grading of lupus nephritis, the extra articular manifestations of ankylosing spondylitis, the complications of, oh, I don't know, something with a suitably impressive name? Like Cerebral Autosomal Dominant Arteriopathy with Subcortical Infarcts and Leukoencephalopathy? Things my brain could retain for 24 hours, max. So I tend to study the most the day before an exam, like a lot of my friends.

We have two papers in Medicine. One about all the general stuff (infections, intensive care, immune disorders, stuff like that) and diseases of the respiratory system. And the other one is all about the cool aspects (cardiology, neurology, nephrology, gastroenterology, etc.).

And you know what happens for the first exam? They gave out the wrong question paper. I got punched in the face by pulmonology when I was filled to the brim with the causes of seizures in the elderly.

The invigilators were very reassuring.
"You have been learning Medicine for five years. Stop talking and start writing."

I was livid. Which is how I almost ended up becoming explicit in my answer paper.
"...and eventually, the thermoregulatory mechanisms of the body get fucked up, and the patient develops..."

I was also scared, which is why I wasted two whole minutes thinking of a more suitable, medical sounding alternative for fucked up. Other than screwed up. Or messed up.

A lot of my answers can be attributed to my being an exponent in the art form known as dummy idal. The term is derived from a Mallu movie from the 80s, where the 'CIDs' would drop a dummy from the roof, no matter how the victim died. (One of my favourite movies, ever!)

No matter what the question is about, we write about the things we know. So I wrote pages on fulminant hepatic failure when asked about Paracetamol poisoning (which is one of the causes for FHF), about Lambert-Easton myasthenic syndrome for the non-metastatic manifestations of bronchial carcinoma, the causes for splenomegaly since I did not know much about tropical splenomegaly... You get the idea.

I had worked rather hard for the exam, and having it all go waste killed something inside me, and the next exam (which was about FHF et al) went down the drain, too.

Two down, five more to go.


DPhatsez said...

Paavam JD! Saaramilla! The essaams will the go the fine.

LOL@ Pattanapravesham references. didn't have to watch the youtube clips for that ;)

Pareekshekkendhaayaalum Gupponnumillalo."Ithoru Gombetition allaathathu kondu Gup onnum kittiyittilla"

Cheers! Me too essams! Catch ya later mate!

Arps said...

hahaha... just like the old one goes: "If you don't know anything about the tree, tie a goat to it..and explain about the goat."

We had a similar crisis in..ermm.. the FINALS!!
Got a paper full of shit from Cardio, Neuro and Skin in a paper that was supposed to have.. (Dunno what..but it was NOT supposed to have THOSE!!. So we had to write notes on erythema mutiformae and myesthenic crisis (ironic how it was us who were in a crisis back then!)
And we didn't even get the consideration of those 'bonus marks' that we were promised!

Good luck for the coming papers!

black coffee said...

...and thats the way it is!
i just wrote my Final Year exams a couple of months ago(btw, i got through) and for General Medicine we were asked weird stuff such as ECG diagrams of Ventricular Arrhythmias. I managed to write whatever I could but somehow my ECGs looked like the Frog Heart Experiments from Pharmacology!
Imagine that nightmare in the Final Exams!!

So here is wishing you escape such nightmare for the real deal!
But you did a great job at FHF and such so its no biggie!
Good luck!

Gauri said...

Good luck with the remaining papers, AP :) and I do hope they don't mess around with the papers this time around.

Aparna said...

Best of luck...though I know zilch about medicine, I do know a bit about exams...hope you ace yours.

yojita said...

i understand the urge for thesaurusbeing another med school student!!! though i mite want an open textbook-write exam policy to come up!!

Anonymous said...

Hahahaha well written!!Just a wanderer and almost on the same league!

Wait till you study for pre-pg!!

Somebody Else said...

You'll do great Doc.

In Engineering, one's marks are all about one's ability to write appealingly. If Medicine is anything like it, I trust you will top!

gayathri-vishwanathan said...

awww i simply loved ur blogs...came through DPhatsez's blog...incase if ur exams are still on then here's me wishing u all the best 4 ur!

P.S: i nver knew docs write so well...honestly, i thought they only know to write prescriptions and medical bills :)...keep writing!

brocasarea said...

lol...hope u pass!
p.s-too tough paper!!

†J said...

Its soo cool & content-ing to find someone who can mouth what you-are-exactly-going-thru ! apt description of the mind-f***ing exams and our plight.

Best of luc !

mathew said...

i have heard medical exams are really tough to pass unlike engineering exams where a little bit of creativity can do the trick!!;-D

Anonymous said...

Wrong paper o.0 ??? *passes out*

I flip even when a single question comes from part 2 of the syllabus in paper 1. And that was just pathology !!

Dear Lord help me.

Anonymous said...

I congratulate, this idea is necessary just by the way

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