Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Matrimonials Mitral Valve

My unit mate is getting married. The wedding isn’t for another ten months, but her formal engagement party is to be held next month.

You could have knocked me down with the proverbial feather (provided it was made of lead) when she dropped the bombshell. I was so shocked, I didn’t even see a hot guy walk past me. Skoda was so surprised to witness that, she promptly fainted, and Arch thought it was because Skoda too was shocked by the news.

Arch is the first of us to succumb. The rest of us are going to start dropping like flies soon. Help! I am too young to die!

That line of thought got me so depressed, I needed something really ridiculous to even marginally cheer me up. And what better place than the Google search terms that sent people to my blog?

the skin on my finger is not my nail

I didn’t know my finger was deformed. The skin on my finger is not my nail either! Oh, I am so going to die…

“proteus vulgaris” pregnancy

Obstetricians everywhere, please take note, we have a woman pregnant with bacteria. Is it some kind of Pelvic Inflammatory Disease? An infected foetus? A pregnant bacterium? If it’s the last one, bacteriologists? We have a net savvy pregnant bacterium on our hands.

frightened wrist surgery

I would advice you not to go ahead with the surgery. Your wrist seems terribly frightened, and probably won’t work too well during the procedure. You will probably have a lot of trouble making incisions and things with an uncooperative wrist.

“ent sucks”

It sure does.

leg muscle weakness, after falling, one leg useless

If it’s useless, I recommend that you chop it off. We don’t want to be stuck with useless things, least of all legs, do we?

mc dreamy photos

I don’t know why, I feel real happy all of a sudden. Extremely happy. I am even beginning to think that I wouldn’t mind getting married.

 medicos cloth collection

He’s looking right into my eyes. I know he is. Be still, my heart, I’m hardly breathing.

Cloth?

spm mneumonics for medical students

Medicos contribute a lot of new words to English. Note the simplicity of this one. It’s obviously a harassed medico looking for mnemonics about pneumonia. The poor guy obviously didn’t hear that my Park is now worm food.

why does it feel like my fingernail is stabbing my skin?

I am afraid I have bad news. You have a terrible disease, and you are going to die from it. It’s called “stupidity”, and there is a good chance your children are going to get it too.

why i have loads of saliva when i wake up

You were dreaming of McDreamy in your sleep. Sacrilege! Think of George Clooney next time, please.

appendicitis mcburney sigh

It’s McDreamy sigh. You get McBurney sign in appendicitis.

german shepherd growth graphs

I don’t know much about these things, but I’m betting they are huge.

mallu urinarry track

This is a Mallu, with UTI. Oh, yes, it is.

pathologist kangaroo caterpillar

I'll tell you after you return from your acid trip.

matrimonials mitral valve

Mitral valve, 25, seeks good looking, God fearing, homely mitral valve who is not stenosed or regurgitant. Contact Chordae Tendineae, Left Ventricle with Echocardiogram report and ECG.

I should be getting back to my textbooks. Final year, and all that, you know. Blogging is pretty tough these days, because even though I have lots to say, I don't find the time. I would love to share depressing stories about patients dying of cancer, the complete lack of compassion in many medicos, the terrible "Surgery hates ObG" jokes, the theatre theatrics, but my nose is too busy being buried alive in some book that weighs more than me.

13 comments:

SMM said...

Hey I like your writing...went through some of your previous posts. Sorry to hear about your Dad.

Adding you to my blogroll Adorable pancreas (oh i found your monicker really funny). Do drop by at my blog sometime.

~nm said...

This was funny. Some of the terms that lead people to the blog make me really crack up. And I wonder about people who actually searched for such stuff :D

Scribblers Inc said...

Did anyone tell you, you have a kickass blog?

Scribblers Inc.

P.S.-shit, and I ALMOST thought medicine was boring...

blahsfamous said...

haha... "funny" girl :D

If everybody started chopping off useless things, most people would have their top-floors missing :).

me thinks, stupidity's infectious. come to think of it, a doc spreading diseases through a blog is scary :)

O drooling slobbering mallu girrrrrl, marry me, your life's no less than a soap opera waiting to explode :).

tangled said...

Oh. My God. This post has made me so happy. You are awesome!!!11!!!oneone! <3
^_^

P.S. What would make me happier is a reply to my email, perhaps the next time the nose is out of the book? ok thank you.

Tys on Ice said...

mallu uurrinarry track for all u know wud be the name of a song track from the latest mohanlal flick...

Dragonfly said...

Haha. And so true about hte people getting married....

deluded said...

do mallus have a special UTI?

dunno.

just asking.

saphire said...

me happpy toooo now..:D thanks for sharin the joy!

Bullshee said...

Medical Mammi!!!

"If it’s useless, I recommend that you chop it off."

I didn't know you had a dark side in you!!!

Ziah said...

Lol!:) McDreamy... lololol:) Go for him babe!:)

Adorable Pancreas said...

smm,
I live for compliments. Thank you. :)

~nm,
I know! Funny how Google does this all the time.

scribblers inc
You haven't said that. Thank you. :)

blahsfamous,
Aw! *blushes*

tangled,
Success! Success! (I love my mad scientist routine.)
PS: The book broke my nose. :(

tys on ice,
That cannot be ruled out either. The lyricists these days find inspiration in the weirdest places.

Adorable Pancreas said...

drangonfly,
Everybody I know is getting married, if they are not already. It's unnerving.

deluded,
I dunno either. Maybe.

saphire,
:)

bullshee,
Oh, I do. I just hide it beneath a layer of faked goodness.

ziah,
I will, I will. :)