A Book Review

I know. I know. I do not want to talk about it. Right now, I do not want to use the words "It's been a while," at all. Let's pretend the last couple of years did not happen, all right? Hello? Anybody there?

Looks like my only reader (my cat) has left. Sheesh. Cats ARE selfish.

So.

Ahem.

I am now Dr. Adorable Pancreas, almost M.D. A bit like House, but without the limp. Residency training has been a roller coaster ride, and right now, it feels like the ups will never make up for the downs. I know I have become a better doctor, but its price was my humanity. (You know, that sounded a lot less melodramatic inside my head.) My sense of humour has lost its edge, my writing skills *hysterical laughter* have declined, and I now have some extra fat around my tummy. Oops! That last one just slipped out. (We are still DINKY, thank you very much. Ongoing grand nulligravid, and all that.)

I have been wanting to review this book for a while now. Compared to this one, Four Dozen Plus Two Shades of Ashen, or whatever it is called, is a literary masterpiece. Bella the Vampire Stalker has more personality than the protagonist in this book. In fact, I am still not sure who the protagonist is. Just when you start to think that maybe THIS guy is finally the hero, he dies at the end of the chapter, or is left with a horrific, incurable disease. This nightmare runs to over 3000 (three thousand!) pages, and at the end of it, you just want to shoot the author, but the guy is just as famous and respected as Chetan Bhagat that you do not even have a snowball's chance in hell. I am, of course, talking about Harrison's Principles of Internal Medicine, which is perhaps the most authoritative book on Medicine.

The first chapter talks about Patient and Illness, and you think that Patient is the hero, and Illness is the bad guy's gang. But, no. There is another, God-like guy, called Physician, who steps in and saves Patient, or at least keeps him from getting killed. You would think that Patient would go down on his knees to Physician for saving him from yet another fatal attack by the Illness gang, but then you find out that Patient sues Physician after the gang member is subdued. I thought Physician would get his own back by stabbing Patient in the liver, but that does not happen, either. Physician will "consciously monitor and control his behavior so that Patient's best interest remains the principal motivation for his actions at all times." Physician, as you can see, is quite obviously an idiot.

The next few (and by few, I mean seventy-five) chapters talk about the different ways in which Illness attempts to murder Patient. You learn that Illness sometimes infiltrates Patient's own family, and at times even lives in Patient's own home. Patient, who, frankly, is a bit dim, continues to cavort with Illness' known allies like Smoking and Boozing, and frequently ignores warning signs that Illness is about to strike.

The final chapters (seventy-six to three hundred and sixty nine) describe the Illness gang members in gory detail. Some of their activities are well across the border on inhuman. Some, like Seizures while driving, are illegal in many countries, but the gang is so strong that Physician has to nearly kill Patient with anticonvulsant drugs before Seizures is subdued.

I could go on, but, to be honest, it is just one disaster after another, launched by Illness against Patient, which that prize ass Physician attempts to thwart. Illness seems to win so many times that you are forced to consider that this evil gang is the protagonist, but their activities are so vile and repulsive that the very idea makes you shudder.

In short, if you ever see this book, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. I believe the book can sense when readers are nearby, and positions itself to fall onto the heads of unsuspecting innocents. The ebook version has additional chapters on even more monstrosities of Illness, so, just, be careful.

Stay away. Far away.