Romance, He Wrote

LOCATION:

A beach lit up by the full moon, breeze blowing in from the sea.

CAST OF CHARACTERS:

A lovely young doctor with antiquated ideas about love and romance, despite being married for over a year, and to a curmudgeon at that

A curmudgeon, doing a poor imitation of a human being

Crabs (the marine kind, not of the itchy variety)

SCENE:

The lovely young doctor, hereinafter referred to as Pancreas, and her curmudgeon of a husband, hereinafter referred to as Curmudgeon, or Mudgy, are having dinner.

Pancreas: Look, Mudgy, it's a full moon tonight.

Mudgy: Hmm. [continues wolfing down his chicken]

Pancreas: The beach looks AMAZING, don't you think?

Mudgy: Hmm. [continues wolfing down his chicken]

Pancreas: Let's go for a romantic moonlit walk on the beach.

Mudgy: Hmm. [continues wolfing down his chicken]

Pancreas: Holding hands, OK?

Mudgy: Hmm. [continues wolfing down his chicken]

Pancreas: Yay!

Mudgy: Do we have any more chicken?

Pancreas: No, you ate it all.

Mudgy: Oh. OK, I'm sleepy. Good night.

Pancreas: What about the romantic moonlit walk on the beach you promised me?

Mudgy: What? When?

Pancreas: Just now.

Mudgy: I didn't do anything of the sort. I was having my chicken. Too bad there isn't any left.

Pancreas: Aww! Mudgee! Look, it's lovely outside.

Mudgy: Dammit, woman, the beach is not going to run away, it's going to be there tomor-

Pancreas: MUD-GY. YOU. ME. BEACH. NOW.

Mudgy: *shrugs* Whatever.

At the beach

Mudgy: Hahaha! The tide is in! There is no beach! Hahaha! Now, let's go back, you can make me more chicken.

Pancreas: We can sit on this bench right here.

Mudgy: Hmph!

Pancreas: Look at all the constellations.

Mudgy: Hmm.

Pancreas: Ooh! Did you see that huge wave?

Mudgy: Hmm.

Pancreas: All the crabs have come out! They're running all over the place!

Mudgy: These ones aren't good for eating. Very little meat inside. But the ones deep in the sea are delicious, with lots of garlic, and onions. Mmmm!

Pancreas: MUD-GY.

Mudgy: What did I do now?

Pancreas: Can't you be a little romantic, for once in your life.

Mudgy: Well, all right.... LOOK! LOOK! DO YOU SEE THAT? *points at dark shape in the sea*

Pancreas: What? What?

Mudgy: A mermaid! Carried over the waves, over the tides, looking for her lost love!

Pancreas: Aw! Mudgy! That's so romantic!

Mudgy: She's HOT! Hey! Mermaid! Over here, baby!

Pancreas: MUD-GY.

Mudgy: Just kidding!

Pancreas: You're SOOOO unromantic.

Mudgy: Of course I'm not unromantic. Do you know what I would do if a huge whale came up and told me that it wanted to have you for its dinner?

Pancreas: What? What?

Mudgy: I'd tell it to be my guest, of course!

Pancreas: ...

Mudgy: But then it would choke on your bones and die, and then you will get arrested for whaling. And I'll FINALLY be free of you. Muhahah- OUCH! OW! OWW! STOP! STOP! OUCH! I'M SORRY! OUCH!

This incident may or may not be based on an actual incident. The background to the story is that Mudgy Dearest was transferred to a place where we live about a hundred metros from a beach that is NOT open to the public. We can go to the beach any time we want to, and with this mind, we hardly ever go to the beach.

The Beach. Duh!

In other news, I have managed to clear all my exams, so now I'm eligible to take yet another exam after three years of penal servitude at the Internal Medicine wards of my alma mater. Yes, Dr. Adorable Pancreas, MD, in three more years! Assuming, of course, that we win all the cases currently in court and are allowed to continue the course. It's a long story, and not one I want to talk about right now.

At any rate, the beach is still there.